Introduction (0 - 4:06)
Music Fading In
Stephen McHugh: Hi there and welcome back to another episode of the Stephens Evolution Podcast, where I delve into the stories and experiences that have helped to shape my life. I'm Stephen McHugh, your host, and I'm grateful to have you join me for this episode, if you've chosen to do so. Before we dive into the topic of this episode, I want to take a moment to share a bit about myself and what this podcast is all about. It is on this podcast that I use my lived experiences to create a space of understanding, connection and, most importantly, hope. I see myself as just one other proud member of the autism spectrum community.
Every fortnight, I bring you episodes inspired by the highs, the lows and everything else in between that I've encountered on my own unique path. I'm through it all. My aim is simple to inspire hope in others who may be on similar journeys. But here you might ask, what's hope got to do with all of this? Well, I'm going to tell you. I've already been there. I've walked the winding roads of uncertainty and doubt, and I've emerged at the end of them with a newfound sense of resilience and purpose.
Looking back over the years, I've experienced underlying improvements, tiny victories that I've added up to significant strides. When I look at them now, and through it all, I've come to realise something very powerful that, through those of us who may be autistic possess special and unique skills and talents. And for me, it is these very qualities that form an important part of who we are, that make us shine in our unique, wonderful and unmistakable ways. And so, with that spirit in mind, let's now embark on this episode together.
In this episode, I'm going to explore a topic that's piqued my curiosity recently, redefining success, but, more importantly for me, redefining success on the autism spectrum. But here's the twist. I'm not just going to talk about it in abstract terms. What I'm going to do is delve deeper into my personal lived experiences to uncover what success really means to me. So get ready, I'm going to go beyond the diagnosis. Are you ready? Let's get to it.
Early Experiences and Challenges (4:11 - 9:12)
Stephen McHugh: As I look back on my journey and reflect on my earliest notions of success, I can't help but chuckle at how I actually misunderstood what success actually was. What I would do is I would associate success with being the best, winning, achieving perfection in everything I did. It was a lofty standard, one that left little room for anything less than perfection. But what I have found is life, as it so often does, had other plans, and so my journey began, a journey filled with twists, turns and more than a few bumps along the way.
One challenge I faced was the struggle to fit in as an autistic individual. I often found myself on the outskirts looking in While others seem to effortlessly navigate social interactions. I found myself stumbling, unsure of where I belonged, and as much as I longed to connect, there were times when I couldn't help but feel like an outsider, like a square peg in a round hole.
And then there were misunderstandings, times when my actions were misinterpreted, my intentions misconstrued. You see here, those of us with autism can often struggle to read and understand the subtle nuances of social cues, body language, voice tones, the unspoken rules that govern social interaction.
And so there were moments when I inadvertently gave off the wrong impression. Facial expressions, misunderstood, words taken out of context and actions that could annoy other people or be perceived as offensive or rude. But perhaps what made those early years even more challenging may have been the lack of understanding.
Back then, when I was in my teens, awareness was still in its infancy and knowledge about autism was scarce. Compared to today, it was also a time when misconceptions were more apparent and support was more difficult to come by. Yet, despite the obstacles and the uncertainty, there was one thing that would keep me going, a belief in my own ability and potential.
To me, success wasn't just about achieving perfection. It was about overcoming the hurdles that stood in my way. It was about embracing my uniqueness and finding my own path to fulfilment. Another important challenge I faced during my education was language development delays. These delays meant that it would take me longer to understand what I was being asked to do, grasp new concepts and apply new knowledge. But despite the challenges, I kept on persevering. I sought out support and resources I needed as and when necessary to overcome these hurdles.
Over time, slowly but surely, I began to see improvements becoming apparent, and so, armed with determination and a steadfast resolve, I set out to redefine success on my own terms. Little did I know my journey ahead would be filled with challenges, triumphs and everything else in between.
Defining Success for Myself (9:17 - 13:24)
Stephen McHugh: As time continued to pass by, I continued to navigate the ups and downs of life on the autism spectrum. What I began to realise was that success wasn't the elusive prize I once believed it to be. No longer did it solely reside in the realm of winning, being the best or achieving perfection. Instead, it revealed itself to me in the quiet moments of progress, in the steady march towards my own personal goals.
For me, success isn't about accolades or awards. It's more about achieving a specific aim, making progress, however small it may seem. It's about recognising the hurdles I faced and celebrating the strides I've made, no matter how incremental they may seem.
I came to understand that success isn't confined to the four walls of a classroom or the pages of an exam. It's not about being top of the class or achieving top marks in every exam. No, success is so much more than that. For me, it's about facing challenges head on, armed with determination and unwavering hope. Now I'll tell you this, I faced my fair share of challenges, from the early days of feeling like an outsider to the struggles of navigating a world that at times felt foreign.
During my education, I encountered an important hurdle. I was held back by language development delays. This meant it took longer for me to grasp new concepts and apply new knowledge, but over time, with patience and perseverance, I began to see more in terms of improvement. Yet through it all, I've emerged stronger, more resilient and more determined than ever before.
What I see is the inner strength that I've developed from overcoming obstacles in the past has given me the confidence to tackle whatever the future may hold for me. It's a confidence born not from arrogance or bravado, but from a deep seated belief in my own potential. And, perhaps most importantly, I've learned that faith in God plays a crucial role in my journey. Whether it's faith in myself, in the universe or in something greater than us all, it's that unwavering belief that keeps propelling me forward, even in the face of uncertainty and testing times. So, as I stand here today reflecting on what success truly means to me, I can't help but feel a sense of achievement and a sense of gratitude.
Gratitude for the lessons learned, the challenges I've overcome and the journey that still lies ahead. For, in the end, success isn't just about reaching the summit. It's about embracing the climb.
Navigating Obstacles (13:29 - 18:21)
Stephen McHugh: Throughout my journey, I have encountered numerous obstacles, some of them daunting, others seemingly insurmountable. Yet despite these, with each challenge came an opportunity for growth, for learning and for pushing the boundaries of what I believed was possible. One of the most significant hurdles I faced was in the realm of language and communication. It hindered me not only in social situations, but also in my education. I clearly remember being introduced to illustrations and encouraged to describe what was happening in them in my own words.
Looking back, this was a simple yet powerful exercise, one that helped me to develop my communication, language and writing skills and gain a deeper understanding of the world around me. Another pivotal moment came when I was introduced to pictures of cats and tasked with working out their body language and emotions. This exercise, for me, was a crucial step in helping me to navigate social situations, as it aided me better in terms of understanding the subtle cues and signals that others were sending.
Another important challenge I faced was overcoming my fear of speed when learning to drive. I vividly recall the trepidation I felt as I entered the driver's seat for the first time. Yet through patience and perseverance, I gradually gained more confidence. I would start in smaller car parks, mastering the basics, before progressing to larger spaces where I could get used to driving at speeds typical of public roads.
Throughout my late teens and early twenties, as I ventured into more social outings, I encountered yet another obstacle at times knowing when and how to contribute to conversations. Looking back, it was a skill I had to learn through trial and error, listening carefully to the dialogue and speaking only when I felt confident that my input was relevant. With each successful interaction I gained more confidence in my ability to navigate social situations more easily.
Job interviews proved to be another daunting prospect. But on one occasion, with the help of a recruitment consultant who provided me with a rehearsal session and guidance on potential questions, I gained the confidence to impress one prospective employer and secure a job.
And then there were the everyday tasks that seemed insurmountable at first, like using the telephone to arrange certain appointments. The thought of speaking to someone over the phone filled me with some degree of anxiety, but with each call I grew in confidence. I reminded myself of the phrase if you can do it once, you can do it again. Taking this on board, I slowly but surely became more independent and self assured.
These obstacles were not easy to overcome, but with determination, perseverance and the support of others, I managed to move on ahead, one step at a time, and with each triumph I gained a greater sense of achievement and confidence in my abilities and a deeper appreciation for the resilience of the human spirit.
Celebrating Achievements (18:26 - 22:44)
Stephen McHugh: As I continue to reflect on my journey, I can't help but feel a sense of pride at the milestones I've reached and the obstacles I've overcome along the way. Each achievement, no matter how small, for me represents a victory in itself, a testament to my resilience, determination and unwavering spirit.
One of the most significant achievements in my life was passing my driving test. It was a momentous occasion, one that marked not just another milestone in my journey towards independence, but also a triumph over fear and self-doubt. Another moment of triumph came when I secured employment after navigating the daunting world of job interviews. Despite the nerves and uncertainty, I persevered and my efforts eventually paid off another testament to my resilience and determination.
And then there were the academic achievements, the exams, where I surpassed my own expectations. Even after facing the setbacks and lower scores at the first time of asking, I refused to be discouraged. Instead, I doubled down on my efforts and in the end, I achieved grades that I would be proud of.
But perhaps one of the most satisfying achievements has been my journey in the kitchen. Trying to cook certain recipes may seem trivial to some, but for me it was another testament to my ability to learn, adapt and thrive in new environments.
And let's not forget the strides I've made in understanding the world around me, from being more aware of current events to improving my language, communication and social skills. Each step forward has opened new doors and opportunities. My language skills deserve a special mention. It is here in particular that I have seen remarkable improvement, paving the way for me to explore other avenues, such as my creative side.
Through my blog and podcast, I found a platform to express myself and share my experiences with others. For me, it's been a journey of self-discovery and growth, one that I hope continues to inspire hope in others with autism. And there's the simple act of arranging appointments, such as dental and optician appointments, independently.
While it may seem mundane to some, for me, it reminds me of how far I've come and the independence I've gained along the way. The way I see it here is that each of these achievements is a testament to the strength of the human spirit, the power of resilience, determination and unwavering belief in oneself. And as I continue to celebrate each milestone, I am filled with gratitude for the journey that has brought me to this stage and the excitement for whatever adventures that may lie ahead for me.
Impact and Contribution (22:49 - 26:59)
Stephen McHugh: Throughout my journey, what I've discovered is that each of us possess unique talents and abilities, special gifts waiting to be shared with the world. And as I reflect on my own journey, I'm reminded of the moments when my talents and skills have made a meaningful impact on others. One such moment was when I discovered my passion for music and piano playing.
As I honed my skills here, I found that others began to take notice, inviting me to play for them on various occasions. I'll never forget moments at school when I was given opportunities to share my love for music with my peers and teachers. In addition, there were also concert evenings at school where I also played in front of several hundred people.
Looking back, it was during moments such as these that I learned a valuable lesson. People will appreciate you for your wonderful talents, and sharing them can bring both joy to both yourself and others.
But my contributions extend beyond the realm of music. With my computer skills, I've been able to lend a helping hand to those who may not be as computer literate, from assisting friends and family with technical issues.
And another thing I'd like to mention is the maintenance of a website for an MP, in decades gone by. It was in times like this that I found fulfilment in using such skills to make a difference in the lives of others.
I also discovered that my logical mindset can be a powerful asset. It was during a group task on a GNVQ advanced information technology course that I was in a group faced with a challenging problem. It was to do with how to get a mini-lift to stop at whichever level it was called to, no matter where it was called from.
Looking back, it was a daunting task, but with determination and perseverance I was able to work out and see a solution, demonstrating the value of logical thinking and problem-solving skills. And then there's my short idiom stories blog post, a post aimed at showing how, through knowledge and experience gained from my language improvement journey, those with autism can find it easier to understand idioms. To me it may be a small contribution, but it is one that I hope will make a meaningful difference in the lives of others on journeys like me. In my website Analytics, I see it as being one of the most popular blog posts, among others.
Each of these moments represents a small but significant contribution, a testament to the power of embracing our unique abilities and using them to make positive impacts on the world around us. And as I continue on my journey, I'm grateful for the opportunities I've had to share my talents and make a difference in the lives of others.
Lessons Learned & Future Goals (27:04 - 31:05)
Stephen McHugh: As I've journeyed through life, I've encountered numerous lessons, some learned through triumph, others through trial and error. And with each lesson learned I've gained a deeper understanding of myself, and the world around me. One of the most important lessons I've learned is not to focus too much on perfection.
One thing I've come to realise is that striving for perfection can be a double-edged sword. It can drive us to excel, but it can also hold us back from taking risks, and embracing our true selves. Instead, I've learned how to embrace imperfection, to celebrate the journey, rather than fixating on the destination.
Another invaluable lesson has been the importance of staying true to myself, no matter what others may think or feel. In a world that can often demand conformity, I've learned that authenticity is a rare and precious gift, one that should be cherished and nurtured.
I've also learned that success doesn't always look the way we expect it to. It's not about winning accolades or being the highest achiever. It's about finding fulfilment in our own unique journey, regardless of where it may lead us.
And perhaps one of the most liberating lessons I've learned is not to be afraid of making mistakes. In fact, I've come to see mistakes as opportunities for learning, chances for growth, chances to evolve and improve. Perfection, I've realised, is an illusion, a mirage that can never truly be attained. Instead, I aim for progress, knowing that there is always room for improvement, no matter how well I've done.
Looking ahead, my future goals are filled with excitement and possibility. I plan to continue creating content, sharing my experiences, insights, and perspective with the world through my podcast and blog. But I also have bigger aspirations. I envision creating animated cartoons of my own to make life easier and more enjoyable for those with autism. Whether it's through YouTube channels or other platforms, I see technology as a powerful and more intuitive tool to bring such creations to life, to reach and inspire even more people.
So, as I stand on the precipice of the future, I do so with hope in my heart and determination in my soul, for I know that the lessons I've learned and the goals that I've set will guide me on the path ahead, illuminating the way forward, and reminding me that I can achieve even more good things.
Conclusion & Closing Remarks ( 31:10 - End)
Stephen McHugh: And now, as this episode draws to a close, I want to take this opportunity to reflect on the journey that we've embarked together on during this episode. It's been a journey of redefining success and, in addition, embracing the unique paths that each of us walks on.
Throughout this episode, I've shared with you my personal insights and experiences. I've revealed how I've come to see success through a new lens. I've learned that it's not about perfection or accolades, but it's more to do with for me, about embracing our individualities and finding fulfilment in our own unique journeys. I hope that my story has inspired you to take time out and reflect on your own definition of success and to embrace the path that you see to be uniquely yours.
During our lives, each of us will encounter our own struggles and our own successes. It's about embracing these differences, and it is by doing that that we can find true fulfilment. Before we part ways, I want to extend a thank you to each and every one of you if you've chosen to listen to this episode. Any support and encouragement can mean the world to me, and I'm grateful to have the opportunity to share my story with you here.
If you'd like to connect with me further, you can find me on Twitter. Just head to the footer of my website, stephensevolution.com. You can also reach out to me via the contact page on my website. I'm always open to hearing any views and experiences from listeners, and if you wish to stay in the loop and receive news related to my podcast, including any forthcoming and newly released episodes. Be sure to subscribe. You can do this via a link on the homepage of my website towards the footer, where it says stay in the loop.
As we approach the Easter break, I want to remind you that I plan to take a short break from podcasting for Easter and be back next month. At the same time, I want to take this opportunity and wish each and every one of you all the best for the holidays, whether you choose to spend time with loved ones, pursuing your passions or just simply taking a well deserved break. I hope it's filled with fun, joy and laughter.
And, finally, I encourage you to explore other episodes of this podcast and blog posts on my website that may pique your curiosity. Thank you once again for joining me on this journey. Until next time, take care and stay true to yourself.
Music Fading Out