Asperger’s Experiences & Personal Growth: Stephen’s Evolution

Technology's Potential in Sharing Autistic Experiences

• Stephen McHugh • Episode 39

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Imagine navigating through a world where words float around fragmented, and social interactions feel foreign. In this episode, inspired by the BBC series "Inside Our Autistic Minds," I, Stephen McHugh, share the vivid experiences of my school years as someone on the autism spectrum. You'll hear about my struggles with language, communication, and the challenge of forming friendships. Picture a classroom scene filled with fragmented words and unclear directions, representing my difficulty in trying to understand new concepts. Yet, amid these challenges, there were shining moments of connection through my strengths in mental arithmetic, piano playing, and excelling in French.

Join me as I reflect on how technology could help to show these experiences. By using visualisations and sounds, I highlight the importance of recognising and celebrating the unique strengths and interests of individuals on the spectrum. Whether this resonates with your own experiences or offers you a new perspective, I invite you to share your thoughts and stories. You can reach out through the contact information provided in the episode description on Buzzsprout. Any contributions will always be welcome, and I'll do my best to respond. Listen in to gain a deeper understanding of life through my autistic lens.

Send me your comments and questions


Thanks for listening. You can find me on my website stephensevolution.com, or on twitter here. You can sign up to receive news of new episodes when they're released here.


Artwork produced by Elena Designe
Music composed by Nela Ruiz

Stephen McHugh:

Hi there and welcome back to another episode of the Stephen's Evolution podcast. I'm Stephen McHugh, your host, and in this podcast I make fortnightly episodes based on my lived experiences living on the autism spectrum. In this episode I'm going to be doing something that's a little bit different. Imagine if you could have a glimpse inside my inner world, especially when it comes to navigating life living on the autism spectrum. Here you can include my struggles with language and communication, socialising and forming friendships. I felt inspired watching a BBC series here in the UK. It was titled 'Inside Our Autistic Minds. It consisted of two episodes. In each episode there would be two autistic individuals who would give us an insight into their lived experiences. What stood out for me in the episodes were powerful presentations created to help show their inner worlds. This got me thinking what if I could do the same? In this short episode, I plan to take you on a journey through what my own personal presentation would look like Back in school and my education days.

Stephen McHugh:

More often than not, I would struggle with language and understanding. This would create difficulties for me understanding new concepts and understanding what others were asking me to do, along with applying new knowledge. Concepts and words would feel like fragments that I just couldn't quite piece together. This would force me to retreat into my own world to try and make sense and process it all. This often left me feeling left behind. To visualise this, what I would imagine is a classroom filled with noise of learning. However, for me, what I would have is words floating around like puzzle pieces and have them landing on my desk. I would then struggle to see how they would fit. I would be hearing directions and explanations from my teacher, but to me they'd be unclear, like trying to see the words through a fog. The way in which I would visualise this scene would be to use a scene that's hazy, with text hardly visible and words breaking apart as I attempted to work out what they all meant. For the music in the background, I would have a single piano note repeating. The repeats would be slow and echoing. This would be to represent, to show how I would be retreating into my mind to process the world in my own different and unique ways.

Stephen McHugh:

And next there was my difficulty of trying to make friends at times. What I would do is I would look on from the sidelines, watching from them, trying to work out how to join in a particular group having a particular conversation, while all the others thought I was a bit strange. And yet, despite all the challenges, my strengths in mental arithmetic, playing the piano and being good at French all offered me moments where I felt more in terms of connection, and also feel more valued by my peers. The visual description for this scene would be to picture the playground during a break time. I'd want the scene to have groups of children laughing, talking, playing and having fun. What I would have is myself watching from the side, unsure about how to join in all the fun and activities. The plan would be to animate this with distant, shadowy figures talking and moving all around, while I have myself standing alone, trying to figure out how to make a first move. I would then have the figures become blurry as I try to focus inward, whilst I would be feeling the weight of being misunderstood.

Stephen McHugh:

In this scene, for For the background music, what I would have is a light, tension building sound, maybe with soft strings. This would highlight this section here to build the feeling of anxiety and isolation. And as the lunch hour approached, what I would show is myself heading to quieter spaces like the library area, just to retreat even further inward. This would be me, highlighting me, trying to find peace in solitude peace in solitude. However, amidst my struggles, there would be moments of positivity.

Stephen McHugh:

What I would do here is the plan would be for visualising my mental arithmetic skills. What I would do is combine flowing visuals with music. There would be numbers floating in, gracefully in sync with the rhythm of a soft piano melody. And as the correct answer forms, the music would build. It would become a stronger, more positive force as it filled the room. Finally, at the end, I would be showing myself helping classmates with their French homework.

Stephen McHugh:

There would be a calming scene representing the logical and structured way my mind would solve the problems. The final solution would feel like a moment of clarity, highlighted by the energy of the music. In the case of my piano playing, I'd visualise my fingers gliding over the piano keys, with the music starting off soft and then becoming stronger and a more positive as it filled the room. I do this with musical notes filling the room here. So, yes, here it would be my strengths, giving me a sense of connection that was otherwise very difficult to find. The music here would change, becoming faster and more upbeat, to be more precise, and perhaps with a fuller piano melody or light orchestral backing, with a variety of instruments in the background, as it got stronger. This would be the representation of the joy that I would feel when my skills brought me to the attention of my peers, even if it was just for a moment.

Stephen McHugh:

For any of you who are listening and may feel different or struggle to fit in, always remember that your unique strengths and interests matter very much, even if they're not clear to others at first. Sometimes it can be differences like these that can allow us to make the most meaningful contributions. It's about finding our own ways to shine and find connections. Through the challenges I faced with language, social cues and isolation, these were hard to navigate. Despite these, there were moments where I could, through my unique strengths, show the world what I could offer it. This gave me comfort and connection.

Stephen McHugh:

If I had the opportunity back during my times of education, if I were to present my inner world, then this is the way, like how I've just described it, an idea of how I would present it, a mix of struggle, retreat and the showing of my strengths. Looking back, what's clear to me is my journey through education was filled with both struggles and moments of triumph. It is from my struggles with language delays, communication and social challenges, to moments when my strengths would become clearly evident. Each experience here has given me a much clearer understanding of who I am. While the challenges were real, my abilities in subjects like maths, music like piano playing and learning French have all allowed me to make meaningful contributions to the world. This has all proved that being different doesn't mean one is less capable.

Stephen McHugh:

While this is just a short reflection on how I'd present my inner world to you, what it's given me is a lot to think about for the future. Perhaps one day I'll try to create a full version using AI and tools like Leonardo to try and bring all these moments to life. For now, what I hope this is that it gives you an idea into what it's like inside my autistic mind.

Stephen McHugh:

If you enjoyed this episode and you felt it resonated with you in some ways, why not feel free to let me know? If you have any experiences to share or want to contribute in your own way, then you can text the podcast in the description at my host Buzzsprout, I'm always on the lookout for any contributions to read, and if I do see any, I'll try to get back to you. Until next time, thank you for listening.