A Journey of Language, Growth, and Autism Perspectives: Stephen’s Evolution

Growing and Developing at Your Own Natural Pace

• Stephen McHugh • Episode 52

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Just like the oak trees that bear acorns at different ages, we all grow, develop, and evolve in our own time. In this episode, I explore how the metaphor 'Bearing Acorns in Your Own Time', relates to autism, personal growth, and the pressure one might feel to meet societies timelines. As World Autism Awareness Day approaches (Wednesday 2nd April 2025), I take this opportunity to aim to spread awareness that true acceptance can mean recognising how everyone's journey is unique.  Growth isn't a race. The way I see it is, it's a process that unfolds naturally. 

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Thanks for listening. You can find me on my website stephensevolution.com, or on twitter here. You can sign up to receive news of new episodes when they're released here.


Artwork produced by Elena Designe
Music composed by Nela Ruiz

Stephen McHugh:

Hi there and welcome back to another episode of the Stephen's Evolution podcast. I'm Stephen McHugh, your host, and in this podcast it is where I talk about my lived experiences as an autistic individual, but I aim to bring them to life through metaphors. If this is your first time listening, a very warm welcome to you. In the last episode, the metaphor in question there was 'Planting Seeds in the Dark. To me, this refers to unseen growth. Growth may be happening, but it's not noticeable yet. It's like progress not yet seen, but happening.

Stephen McHugh:

For this episode, I thought a more natural way to continue was to have a metaphor that I believe, or I feel, naturally follows the last one. It is to do with what is happening after the seed is growing, following it being planted in the soil, or growth not visible. The natural progression from the last episode, I feel, was to talk about a metaphor 'Acorns Produced at Different Stages'. I felt that this would be a natural way to continue from the last episode.

Stephen McHugh:

It is where I've been doing a local park run once a week, and I can't help but notice oak trees. I can't help but think about how each oak tree would be producing acorns at different stages. Some may produce them after only two decades, whereas others may take several decades later to produce acorns, and when the time is right for them. When I think back to the times when I was young and growing up, I got the impression that growth and progress had to happen on a fixed timeline, and that one had to learn certain skills, like being able to develop language and communication skills at levels on a set timeline, along with other things such as social skills.

Stephen McHugh:

However, over time, what I began to learn was, we develop at our own pace, much like the trees, like the oak trees, producing acorns in their own time. It's the same with all those skills, and other skills besides. In terms of social skills, some people will develop sound social skills quickly, whereas for others it can take many years, and that's okay. One thing I find great about nature is the variety it produces all for us to see.

Stephen McHugh:

For language development, that's been very important to me. I would take concrete views of it and not leave much scope for flexibility. However, over the years I would notice underlying improvements in my language skills, and I would see how interesting language could actually be in the ways in which we use it, such as metaphorically, and as seeing and hearing it when it's used for idioms.

Stephen McHugh:

I would experience difficulties with social situations as well, and would be frustrated trying to fit in, and wondering how to fit in. However, as the years went by, I began to identify and understand how to navigate social situations and ways in which to interact with others

Stephen McHugh:

... As I've already said, I do a parkrun once a week. During it, I can't help but notice how easy it can be to focus on the people ahead and the people behind. The feeling of falling behind can be compared to seeing people ahead of you and you can't catch up with. It's like the expectation of falling behind if skills, important skills, that is, if they're not developed as quickly as others, or as you might otherwise have hoped. Each journey is unique.

Stephen McHugh:

When interacting with others, I would have difficulty with eye contact and might seem disinterested To others. This may have indicated rudeness, but what I was doing processing information in my own ways other things that have been said to me during social situations, other things that people pointed out included, was that I didn't talk much, that I was too join in. As with running, it can be getting the feeling of falling behind if certain skills are not developed as quickly as others. What matters is growth happens for you, in your own way and at your own pace.

Stephen McHugh:

Whenever I felt I was learning skills too slow for my liking, moments of doubt would creep in. I would try harder to fit in so that I would be like others, and in an effort to meet social norms, societal expectations. This was due to the frustrations of previous efforts of mine of not quite being able to fit in. There were times when I was told when I was trying too hard to fit in. For me, this raised two questions. Was I growing fast enough? Or, an important question, was I growing in a way that was right for me? I needed to do the latter, growing a way that would feel more natural for me. I would also wonder would I be accepted in a particular group?

Stephen McHugh:

Initially, during an IT course at a college for further education, I would join in with some of the students. I just decided basically just to join in with some of the other students in card games in the canteen during breaks. I decided to be bold about it, even if I was the quiet one, and, I was pleasantly surprised. They let me join in their card games, which in turn helped me to build more confidence in myself that I could join in social interactions.

Stephen McHugh:

At the time of recording this, it's coming up to April and I understand that April is Autism Awareness Month. For me, awareness is more than just recognising it and being aware of it. For me, what's more important is the acceptance part, the accepting of the different ways of thinking, doing things, learning things and evolving in one's own right. If it had to be, like, plotted on a graph, no line on the graph would be the same. Everyone's growth, for me, is unique. It happens in their own time. It should be allowed to happen without judgment and without pressure.

Stephen McHugh:

One should be allowed, if need be, extra time to process information given to them, like in the form of a question, and respond in a way that's right for both you and them. I was once granted extra time in exams due to the fact that my language development delays meant it took longer for me to understand things, and it took me longer to work out what I was being asked to do. But this has since got better with time. One shouldn't assume that just because someone may be taking longer or is behind. It's because they may develop certain skills differently. Like it took me longer to develop my language skills, any unseen growth is still growth in its own right.

Stephen McHugh:

If you work in like a customer service based job, like in a shop, or you're a delivery person, then you're likely to meet people from all walks of life. You may encounter people who may take longer to respond, and see that they may process questions and information differently, and may need more time to do so. If you work in any such roles, including reception ones as well, and you encounter such people, then why not take a bit of time to think about possible reasons why. It's that they may take longer to process things. As I've already said, that's been the same with me over time. Another tip I could give here is to give an alternative means of communication. It doesn't always have to be spoken, it can be one can be offered to write down their message, what they want to get across, even if it's in note form, and possibly get someone else to help make sense of it.

Stephen McHugh:

And now, as I wrap up this episode, let's go back to what I consider the main points. Growth, for me, is not always apparent and it doesn't always follow an expected timeline as may be expected by society. Like the oak trees growing and producing acorns in their own time, in ways right for them, it can be compared to us developing and growing in ways that are right for us, as nature intended, producing variety. When you're in a race or a run with other people, you may see people more seasoned runners, up ahead of you and you find yourself unable to keep up with them. Just remember, you're not running another person's race, but doing it in your own time, just like the oak trees bearing acorns when they're ready and when nature intends.

Stephen McHugh:

And now to you, my listeners what's something in your life? Is there anything in your life that you once thought that you felt behind on but later realised was just happening in its own time, at its own pace, that was right for you?

Stephen McHugh:

You can text the the podcast in the episode description, where you can also find a link to subscribe, and keep up to date with new episode releases and other podcast related news. Why not consider sharing this episode to help spread a message of true acceptance, especially as it's Autism Awareness Time in April, on Wednesday, April 2nd of this year? Thank you very much for listening. If you've made it this far, take care and I'll see you on the next episode when I shall talk about subtle signs of autism .