Navigating Quiet Currents of Autism in My Education

 What happens when autism presents without obvious signs? When differences are subtle enough to be noticed but difficult to define? In this personal episode, I aim to explore the concept of "quiet currents beneath the waves". For me, these were the subtle signs of autism that shaped my educational journey without dramatically setting me apart.

From early school observations of language repetition and fixations to my preference for solitude and concrete thinking, teachers recognised I processed the world differently but were unsure exactly how. My case was likened to "being in the Pacific Ocean, but within safe reach of the seashore" . They were different enough to notice, but not requiring dramatic intervention. These gentle currents nudged me in different directions, creating challenges with language processing, social interaction, and understanding others' perspectives, while simultaneously highlighting strengths in memory, music, and mathematical calculation.

The power of early diagnosis allowed appropriate support to be implemented, including observations by therapists to support me, to teachers who adapted their methods to my visual learning style. 

My mainstream education was successful in its own right, not only because of my underlying improvements, but because subtle accommodations made space for my differences. A former headteacher later admitted they’d learned plenty from my case.

This episode invites listeners to consider the quietly different people in their lives, and even how small adjustments can make profound differences in helping neurodivergent individuals thrive.

Have you ever felt quietly different or known someone who processes the world just a little differently? Share your experiences and join our growing conversation about the full spectrum of neurodiversity.

Please note: This episode is the last one before I take a 4 week break from podcasting for Easter.

Thanks for listening. You can find me on my website stephensevolution.com, or on twitter here. You can sign up to receive news of new episodes when they're released here.


Artwork produced by Elena Designe
Music composed by Nela Ruiz

Chapters

• 0:21 Introduction to Subtle Autism
• 1:45 Early School Observations and Diagnosis
• 6:28 How Subtle Signs Manifested
• 9:38 Secondary School Experiences
• 11:37 Understanding the Impact of Subtle Signs
• 14:29 Support Strategies and Personal Growth
• 18:55 Conclusion and Looking Forward

Transcript

Stephen McHugh: 0:21

Hi there and welcome back to the Stephen's Evolution podcast where I talk about my lived experiences with autism, where I aim to bring them to life through metaphors. During my blog and podcast, One word I don't think I've used is ‘subtle’. By this I mean to describe the signs of autism in me that were subtle, like not obvious. In school, teachers would notice that I was different in some ways, but it wasn't clear to them what that difference was. It was the feeling of the quiet currents beneath the waves in the sea that were shaping my experience, but they were still enough to move me in different ways. I, of course, was too young to understand and remember what was going on. But they were early signs that I processed the world differently. And now on to my education days.

Stephen McHugh: 1:52

One school report from my first year in infants was they picked up on my problems of communication. I would repeat whatever my teachers would say to me. I had fixation on certain toys and a clock. In addition, one other thing they noted was the difficulty in getting eye contact with me. After me and my family moved to a different area, my new school also was quick to notice that I processed the world differently. I was never seen as disruptive. The school were then likely seeking reassurances about my behaviours.

Throughout my education I was seen as generally well-behaved and polite. However, teachers pointed out about me sometimes losing my concentration easily, having difficulty following class stories, and finding it difficult to join in class discussions. So, yes, I could be seen as quiet.

I would also be drawn to certain things, including certain books about astronomy, subjects that would be of interest to me. The diagnostician wrote to my school. They included that I took a rather precise view of language and that English would break down badly under that sort of analysis. I would also persist with a particular line of reasoning in a concrete way, not giving language or the world much scope for flexibility. 

The diagnostician also allocated a therapist to help support me at the school. During observations, things that were picked up on included my distractibility and difficulty concentrating on subjects that my teachers were interested in, whereas I would be more interested in my own world.

I would have difficulty grasping mathematical concepts and understanding principles of phonics. I also had difficulties understanding the points of view of others. This could create problems with forming friendships for me and difficulties for me in working out how others may be feeling. Even though I felt different in some ways, as I've already said, I was too young to understand.  I shared enough in common to be with my peers to feel comfortable enough in an ordinary mainstream school.

Stephen McHugh: 5:10

My case was likened to me being in the Pacific Ocean, but within safe reach of the seashore, so my case was seen as more of a mild nature. The person who diagnosed me also sent an article with the letter to my then head teacher which talked about the condition affecting me. They had told my parents about this. There had been a label for it, but they didn't mention what it was. Likely, acting with caution, they may have been suggesting it gently, without triggering concern from the school. One aim may have been to encourage the school to read, reflect and perhaps put support measures in place for me. The condition that I was diagnosed with, in my case as a mild case. The label may not have been well known or accepted at the time. There was likely little or very little known about it. And now on how subtle signs showed themselves.

Stephen McHugh: 6:40

I had language delays, as I've already mentioned. I took concrete views of it. It would take me longer to understand things and instructions. I would also struggle more with interpreting written material. I just processed language differently. I would also prefer set routines. One thing I was engaged in was building bridges with toy bricks and then being asked to read by my teacher. I hid behind a cupboard or bookcase, I don't remember exactly. I wasn't keen on having my routine that was already disrupted. I also preferred to do activities alone. I preferred my own company more often than not.

Stephen McHugh: 7:47

However, going back to understanding the points of views of others and the struggles I had there. That didn't stop me from being accepted into friendship groups. I was not seen as being mean to other children.

I can all compare this to a slow current moving just beneath its surface. It wasn't dramatic in any way, but it was always there, nudging me slightly differently. Other instances included me having a good memory for recall. I demonstrated this by doing a class talk. My chosen subject was telescopes. What turned out to be impressive about it was the powers of retention related to it. I was also seen as being good with music, and was granted opportunities to demonstrate this to the school community. 

In secondary school, one thing others picked up on was my ability to do difficult multiplication, mental arithmetic that is. I would amaze other children and some teachers on the kind of sums that I could do, including working out the number of seconds in a year.

Stephen McHugh: 9:38

Looking back, I just continued as normal as best I could. It was a time when little was known about autism. By the time I reached senior school, specialist support wasn't necessary. That had been the case for me for a couple of years already by then. Sometimes I would exhibit behaviours that may have been interpreted as rude or offensive. I could struggle with body language, various forms of it, and also certain voice tones, and not understanding what they really meant. Sometimes I would project body language that would give the impression that I was being rude or showing something or displaying behaviour that may be seen as offensive. Back at my junior school, looking back, I felt fortunate to be at a school which fostered a community where I would be welcomed.

Stephen McHugh: 10:47

Support from outside the school, from my family, along with therapists being allocated to the school in an effort to support me, was beneficial. Support from my family outside school helped me with my reading and writing in terms of catching up. And back up by communication from the school would help to back up what was being done in class.

Back in senior school. I could include periods of times being on my own more often than not and quieter zones. I would also have difficulty initiating conversations and understanding how to join in. I would feel frustrated, especially when I would see how joining in with conversations would come naturally to others. And now in terms of what the subtle signs meant to me.

Stephen McHugh: 12:01

As I got older in my mid to late teens, I began to grasp and link lower exam grades to my language delays. My language delays would mean that it would be harder for me to understand and apply new knowledge, and understand what I was being asked to do. However, over time there were always underlying improvements, particularly in my language, social interaction and communication. Earlier intervention, like my diagnosis at the age of seven, meant appropriate support measures could be put in place for me to aid those improvements. I was able to fit in, but I just needed that little bit of support, advice from people.

Stephen McHugh: 13:04

When I thought about the fact that I was on my own more often than not, I began to wonder, in my mid to late teens, whether my language difficulties were linked to my difficulties with forming meaningful friendships. As time went on, I began to get the understanding that I may be right. One line of thinking of mine was understanding what may be relevant in particular conversations. Over time, this would make more sense to me. 

Subtle signs of being autistic.  I think. Well, in my case I didn't need drastic measures to help me in my education or social interaction and communication. My school, my primary school, was seen to be doing a very good job in my case, and on that basis it felt that my position in mainstream education be supported. 

Stephen McHugh: 14:43

And now, as I conclude this episode, what I'd like to say is not everything has to stand out by far to matter, out by far to matter. One of my teachers at my junior school was doing a question and answer session. After explaining a maths concept fractions, I think it was. They chose me to answer a particular question based on it. What they did was, looking back, what I liked about the method they chose was they broke it down into a simpler way for me to understand, by visualising what the fraction looked like, dividing a shape as one whole, then dividing it into two, like one half each and then again into like one quarters. This gave me an insight into what fractions look like when dividing them up, by showing them by visual means. Another thing was being allowed to do projects targeted more at my interests, along with opportunities to show my talents in my case, my piano playing.

Stephen McHugh: 15:51

Going back to my peers inviting me to be part of my friendship groups. One thing a child should be encouraged to do here is, take a look at the things you do like about someone, even if they're different in some ways. Other pieces of advice given to me by my peers would include advising me of whether others would be pretending to be friendly to me. This was linked to the fact that I would find it difficult to read various forms of body language, and understand voice tones. You could also include here advice that would be helpful to me about starting off conversations with others, such as asking anyone interested in football, like, “did you see the big match last night?” A match with, like, lots of talking points.

Stephen McHugh: 17:00

The person who diagnosed me said in their letter to my primary school in my case, that if I wasn't successful, it would not be a result of laziness, naughtiness or rudeness, naughtiness or rudeness, but linked to the fact that I processed the world just a little bit differently. Some years later, after joining my new primary school, my new headteacher there had said to my parents that they'd learned a lot from my case. I might well have been the first case of its kind with such traits, maybe even the first subtle presentation of autism they may have come across and without ever knowing it, just by being myself would have helped them to recognise something new, something they hadn't been taught yet to see. Towards the end of my primary school time, in my final year, I did what was called 11+. I didn't pass it, but I didn't fall far short. I did well on my maths section, but hadn’t done quite so well on the language section, which showed my limitations. I feel it fitted well with the picture of not standing out in a big way, not being disruptive or clearly struggling. I was just quietly being different in ways that weren't easy to define.

Stephen McHugh: 18:53

And now some questions for you. Have you ever felt quietly different? And now some questions for you. Have you ever felt quietly different? What did it mean to you? Have you ever noticed anyone who may be quietly different, such as in a friend or from the view of a parent or teacher? What steps did you take to support them and make them feel included? 

By being allowed to do projects targeted more at my interests would allow opportunities for me to express myself and develop other problem-solving skills, such as researching information and using different methods like shadows cast by trees on the ground and using those to measure their heights.

Stephen McHugh: 19:50

Is there anything that I've not included in the episode that you feel could be relevant? You can leave your comments and questions by texting the podcast in the episode description. I plan to take a four-week break from podcasting for Easter. I hope you enjoy the holidays and enjoy some time with your friends and family. I have plans to put my podcast on YouTube Music and organise it into categories, and where it will also be easy to subscribe, like and comment. That will make the conversation for various topics easier. Goodbye for now and I'll see you in the next episode, when the metaphor will be a new world coming into focus for me.