Running At My Own Pace

Running alongside others yet fully at peace in my own space—that’s the unexpected gift parkrun has given me as an autistic person.

Life on the spectrum often means performing unwritten social scripts that I have found in times go by, drain and overwhelm. But at parkruns, what I found is, they offer a structured routine where participation doesn’t require conversation, explanation, or masking. Just turn up, run or walk, get your barcode scanned at the end. It is simply to be there, and feel part of something on your own terms.

What began as exercise became a deeper journey. I’ve improved my time by five minutes over a year. For me, that's five minutes of self-trust, rhythm, and quiet defiance of the old belief that I wasn’t athletic. Even after an Achilles injury, I returned, got my form back, and became stronger and more grounded.

Parkrun has become a weekly routine for me. What I see here is, importantly for me is, a metaphor for autistic life where I can move at my own pace, be part of a community, and belong without any pressure.

Have you found spaces like that? Share your thoughts via the link below—and subscribe for more metaphors from my autistic world.

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Thanks for listening. You can find me on my website stephensevolution.com, or on twitter here. You can sign up to receive news of new episodes when they're released here.


Artwork produced by Elena Designe
Music composed by Nela Ruiz

Chapters

• 0:22 Welcome to Stephen's Evolution
• 0:53 Parkrun as a Social Script
• 3:32 The Freedom of Structured Movement
• 7:33 Finding Rhythm and Building Confidence
• 12:15 Running at My Own Pace
• 14:24 Final Thoughts and Call to Action

Transcript

Stephen McHugh: 0:22

Hi there and welcome back to another episode of the Stephen's Evolution podcast. I'm Stephen McHugh, your host, and it is in this podcast where I aim to bring my autistic experiences to life, one metaphor at a time. The metaphor for this episode is parkrun as a social script. You can run at your own pace. For each episode, what I aim to do is take something from my lived experiences, be it a sound, a place or anything like that, and use them to give you an idea of what it's like to live life with autism. Sometimes it can mean diving into things like communication, identity or even just getting through my daily routine, but, as always, what I try to do is find language, find language that feels real and personal. The metaphor for this particular episode is linked to movement. Well, doing park runs, to be more precise.

Stephen McHugh: 2:02

What is a park run? I'm sure you may have heard of it. It's just a free five kilometre run in a park. They do these up and down the country here in the UK, and in other countries around the world every Saturday. Well, I do it every Saturday here in the UK. However, for me, it's become something much more than a run. I see it as a way to participate in something structured but flexible. There's a script that I don't have to learn and memorise. It's a place and an event where they are in places. These events let's rephrase that these, events happen in places like the parks. They're events where I feel like I could belong, and I don't have to explain who I am or why I am there every week.

Stephen McHugh: 3:33

In this episode, what I'm going to try and do is take you through my parkrun experience. It's more than just the route or a stopwatch, but more of what it feels like, what I learned from doing it and how it's helped me well to change me in some ways. Let's get started. At each park run, hundreds of people show up to do something what I find to be very simple. Well, the idea was simple. You could turn up to run, walk or even shuffle through the five kilometres. However, for me, park run is more than just a run. It's a kind of social script that I don't like have to learn and remember. It's a place where no one necessarily expects small talk or even a reason. People just turn up, maybe for social reasons, to get together with family and friends, the fresh air. What I'm going to do is share what it's like to run a park run, and what it means to me as an autistic person. I'm just looking for freedom, rhythm and a place to just be where I can easily feel at ease being myself or, to be more precise, another place where I can feel like being myself.

Stephen McHugh: 5:32

When I first went, I remember all the conversations going on all around me, the flashes of fluorescent running vests, the variety of colours, the smell of wet grass, and no one asked me anything. I didn't need to explain why I was there. I could just go there, standing around and walking around quietly. We could all move around on our own terms. And, just before the run got started, they announce things like milestones, such as people doing like 50 or 100 park runs, or even any important events in someone's life, like a birthday.

Stephen McHugh: 6:44

So much of life with autism. It can be about figuring out scripts. These can include when to speak, when to smile, when to laugh, how to start or initiate a conversation, conversation and when to say how are . you and whether anyone actually wants an . answer Social scripts they can be useful, but, but they can be exhausting too. Parkrun, though, has a different kind of script. You simply gather in short, briefing, a start ., Then, then at the end, end there's the funnelling funneling and the barcode scanning. But within all that, no one demands anything of me. I don't necessarily have to talk. I can listen to all the conversations going on around me. I feel under no pressure to do that. It's like a script. I can run at my own pace. Well, literally, if someone talks to you, like to compliment you running, then great. There's no pressure to do well in it. No one will care if you come last, no one will care if you don't speak, speak or are a quiet member of all those present. All I'm doing is just moving with others, well, amongst others, through the spaces and through something that gives me a feeling of belonging.

Stephen McHugh: 8:53

As the weeks passed, I felt something shift. I always kept showing up. Well, until I had a problem with my Achilles which kept me out for two months, but that didn't stop me. Once I felt my Achilles had healed a bit well enough, I gradually made my way back. I'd slowed down a bit, but over time again I kept showing up and I got my time back, my improvement back to where I was before.

Stephen McHugh: 9:39

Doing the park runs, the way I see it was more than just trying to get fit while increasing my fitness. It was a chance to go out, get some fresh air, and away from any worries and anxieties that I may have had from everyday life. I'd noticed that I had improved my time by five minutes. Yes, five minutes. That's five minutes of self-trust, five minutes of finding rhythm, five minutes of choosing to get moving, even on days when my brain would like whisper, "Why bother? And sometimes, whilst I'm doing the run, I feel my body, I can feel myself saying slow down, stop, even when it gets challenging. And I'm doing it for a reason just to keep going to prove myself wrong. I remember during school days, on occasions when I was told I was not good at sport, by peers or classmates to be exact.

Stephen McHugh: 11:20

I'm doing it too, for enjoyment, to increase my fitness, to give myself something to get up for on a Saturday, because naturally there'll be a lot of you out there who will see Saturday as an opportunity for a lie-in. Well, I used to until I started doing the park runs. And the thing is, I don't do it to compete, I do it to feel more of a connection with a community, even if I'm one of the quieter ones. There, it's with the root, and the silence that comes from shared motion, not awkwardness. When I'm doing it, I have an opportunity to listen to the sounds and appreciate the sounds of, let's rephrase that. It also gives me an opportunity to appreciate the sounds and sights of nature the sounds of the birds within the trees, and not just that, the sounds of the footsteps of the other runners around me. Now I feel it not just in my legs, but in how I stand. I feel as though I'm noticeably fitter than I was last year. I also feel calmer, too, and maybe a little more confident in spaces, and maybe a little more confident in doing other tasks that I may find difficult, and feel more confident that I can have a better chance of overcoming. That's what motivates to keep me going, even when the run gets more testing for me.

Stephen McHugh: 13:35

And now, as I move towards the conclusion of this episode, parkrun, the way I see it, is a structure with freedom, freedom to be myself Another well, another area where I can feel to be more myself. It's a loop that can allow me to run at my own pace and allow you to run at your own pace and still be part of something, even if you're a quieter person, and to feel like you're one of the crowd. That's what I do. Every week I show up, and I run the same script, but now I feel as though it's a little stronger, that bit more clearer, a bit more like mine, and you have a space like that too. Or maybe you're just still simply looking. Either way, thank you for running this loop with me in this episode.

Stephen McHugh: 14:55

And a question for you, my listeners. Do any of you do park runs? What do you think of them, and what do you get out of them? You can let me know your answers and comments by texting the podcast via a link in the episode description. And, before I go, to stay updated with podcast-related news or whenever there's a new episode released, you can find a link to a form close to the footer of the homepage of my website, stephensevolution. com. Take care, and I'll see you in the next episode.